6.23.10. 3 Nephi 20

a. God commands them to never cease to pray in their hearts.
b. He tells them that they should arise and stand upon their feet. *This could be literally or metaphorically, meaning don't be weighed down by the world and stand for truth.

Today! 6.16.10.

So I am going to Cali today! I am so excited! I love trips. I hope to be able to elevate my life with this trip: eat healthy, be happy, make memories, get tan, get thin (I'm not gonna stuff myself and I will choose fruits over fats and sugars. But treats will be fine, just in moderation. Last trip I took to Cali, I got sick sick sick because I was so unhealthy.), surf, laugh, build bonds, feel the spirit, bring the spirit with hymns and praise of my wonderful friends and wonderful blessings. Its gonna be great! I need to remember to bring:
-toothbrush
-camera and charger
-shorts
-flip flops
-sunscreen
-water bottle
-scriptures
-makeup
-sunglasses glasses
-food
So, reading for today:
3 Nephi 20:
a. The Lord will gather the House of Israel on his own due time. He says that they will say, "How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings unto them, that publisheth peace;" And I realize that mountains are a very religious symbol in the scriptures...you got the 10 commandments being recieved on mount sainai, Jesus goes up into the mountains to teach his discipleson Mount of Olives, he goes there to pray...etc.

GOALS for today.

So I was just looking at a Be Happy, Be Healthy blog and it motivated me to set goals.
Today here are my goals:
-Good posture. "Stomach in, chest out, shoulders back" as Dad would always say. And also, I want to do wall stands, where you make your back as strait up against a wall as you can, then try to hold that for as long as you can through the day. It makes my back feel really good. Its that idea of making the curve of my back less curve and more strait.
-Do flex holds. So I will do three 30 second flex holds on my abs while I'm sitting here at work. every turn of the hour.
-Drink 10 bottles of water. ( I have already done 1.5)
-Eat five servings of fruits and vegetables. (how much is that?...)
-Work out.
-Don't eat past 10 pm.
-Dance party?

6.11.10. 3 Nehpi 19.

a. V. 23. Can someone be in me? Christ wants to be in the people as the Father is in me. So can I have Christ in me? I think this would mean having so much love toward him and understanding him.
b. The disciples when they were praying, they "did not multiply many words" which I think I do often is multiply words in my prayer, saying the same thing. Challenge: don't use the same phrase in a prayer that you've ever used before. It was also given unto them what they should pray and they were filled with desire.

Do I have desire? What are my desires? Love, health, being with my family and friends. Having the spirit in my life. Going to the temple.

c. "Jesus blessed them as they did pray unto him" *Jesus will bless me as i pray unto him with desire.

d. "and his countenance did smile upon them, and the light of his countenance did shine upon them, and behold they were as white as the countenance and also the garments of Jesus; and behold the whiteness thereof did exceed all the whiteness, yea, even there could be nothing upon earth so white as the whiteness thereof." 3 ne 19: 25. * I really like this verse because it makes Christ feel personal to me. When my friends or even some strangers smile at me, they do have a glow and that glow can light others up. If we mortals can do that much, I can only imagine how much Christ's countenance can brighten up others. I imagine Christ's smile being so happy and with so much love behind it. A smile says a lot. And Christ's smile would say so much.

e. Jesus separates himself again and prays to the father. He thanks Heavenly father for purifying those who he has chosen. *What is I was in the middle of a moment, like visiting mom and dad back home, and I say excuse me I must go pray to thank Heavenly Father that I have arrived safely and you guys are happy and well here. I actually think that would invite such a spirit. Praying really does invite the spirit. It prioritizes our lives at the moment, to realize what really is most important at the moment and how blessed we are as well. I love the spirit. I have been in situations and homes where it is not present and I don't like the feeling. On the contrary, in my own house I feel the spirit and it is such a great feeling. I am blessed to have a mother that is so good at bringing the spirit to a home.

f. v. 27. Jesus says to them, "Pray on." :) I think that's funny.

I am so so so thankful for my job! The Lord has blessed me beyond measure.

6.1.10. 3 Nephi 15

v. 18. "because of stiffneckedness and unbelief they understood not." There are many people who do not believe because they are already unbelieving. So, with less stiffneckedness and unbelief, would I be able to understand things I do not now understand? What are some things I don't understand right now? Marriage covenant completely.
v. 22. When Christ told the people at Jerusalem that he had other sheep not of this fold, they thought he meant the Gentiles, but Christ meant the Americas and the other tribes. The gentiles will be taught through Jerusalem's teaching. Jesus said other sheep would hear his voice, but Gentiles don't ever hear God's voice literally. I am a gentile. So that's why I have not heard God's voice literally. I must be faithful and even though flesh and blood have not revealed it unto me, the Holy Ghost does.
v.24. But the brethren at Americas saw and heard him, so they are the other sheep.

3 Nephi 16

5.28.10. Conference Talks and Marriage Dreams

Today I decided to ponder on conference talks. I read the talk, All Thins Work Together for Good, by James B. Martino. I like how he emphasizes the fact that trials can be for our benefit and learning if we deal with them well by serving others. And he starts with a story of a little boy who got sad because he didn't hit the ball even though he was so determined to, but then he cheered up and said, "what a pitcher!" Which is an example of looking on the bright side of everything. There is a silver lining of every cloud. The glass is either half full or half empty. There is a downhill to every uphill.

Gregory A. Schwitzer: Developing Good Judgment and Not Judging Others. This is a good topic because there are always such lengthy controversial conversations about this "don't judge, but judge righteously" concept. Don't apply worldly judgment to a spiritual decision. "No one can ever be a good judge without the gospel of Jesus Christ as a reference." "The standards of morality are eternal and have not changed; neither should we try to discover a new interpretation of them." Apply the For the Strength of the Youth to your adult life!
The Holy Ghost, "He will help us in the most important judgments of our lives." To me, this means marriage. Right now I am stuck on marriage, really its more of a fear than anything. I am afraid of marrying the wrong person, of not ever meeting the right person, of marrying when I am older and therefore less picky, so I naturally settle for anything male that moves. But I think in an interesting twist, I get pickier and pickier as I get older. I know I am a lot pickier than I was a few years ago because I have dated more people, seen more qualities that I do and Do NOT like. Also, I am afraid I am looking for an impossibly perfect-for-me person. I am afraid I am selfish in my desires to be married. I fear I am not prepared for the selflessness and imperfection of marriage. I have a lot of anxiety about not having a good marriage. Because in my mind, it is the most impacting factor for the rest of my life's happiness. Think about it, my job is my job, you go to work, put up with it to make money, then you come home. I could have a crappy job then come home and if my husband is everything I ever want him to be and he makes me happy, then life would be good, no matter if my house if pretty or my car is nice or my clothes are nice, or my job is great. For me, what will be the determining factor of my eternal happiness is who i marry. It's just HUGE!!! It is a HUGE decision. How can I ever just make that decision without being 100% confident that with him, I will have complete happiness and that he is all I ever wanted and will provide for me and love me so much??!!?? How do people do this marriage thing. It's crazy! For me, I won't marry unless I am crazy about the person and can't live without him. It might be for this reason that I have so many nightmare marriage dreams. I had one last night even:
So there I was, back with an ex-boyfriend somehow (i guess we had worked things out). I guess I had settled cuz I hadn't found anyone better. We were hugging a lot and looking lovingly into eachother's eyes. He was so happy! I was pretty happy. We were in some house or something and the family and friends were all around getting things set up. I think it was the day before the wedding. Heather and Mom were getting all the flower arrangements worked out and the flowers were beautiful! and the house the reception was gonna be in was beautiful and everyone was happy, doing wedding stuff and looking at me in a "o I'm so happy for you, you're in-love" look (a look I am used to from so many sibling weddings). So I remember hugging Justin in a downstairs room where right outside all the wedding commotion was going on. I remember coming out and seeing mom, catching her face smiling a big smile at me. I smiled back, but had a little bit of restraint in my joy because in the back of my mind, deep down, I really wasn't sure I was making the right decision. Mom might have noticed, but she carried on talking with heather about the flowers. I stood there, among all my family and wedding plans and wedding flowers and the wedding was already a set deal and it was tommorrow! I couldn't back down now! But in my gut I couldn't continue on no matter how terrible it would be to face the disappointment of my family members and especially my mom. She would be so upset that I had made such a mess and gone through with marrying him, but then backed out and wasted tons of money and time and emotions. I knew the consequence of backing out now would be terrifying, but the consequences of going trough with the marriage would be even worse, so I got Mom's attention again. "Mom..." I said in a tone she probably could recognize as not a good sign. She turned to me as though she knew what I was going to say only by the tone in my voice before I even said what I was going to say. Her look of "you better not cancel this wedding young lady" made me feel sick, but I said, "I'm not going to marry him," in a quiet yet sure voice filled with regret. Mom was holding flowers in her hands and they dropped heavily to her sides as her expression turned to one of great disappointment. She sighed her sigh of frustration. Heather who had overheard from behind her back, turned slightly in a wondering expression and the atmosphere turned silent and intense at the same time. While Mom was mad, she knew there was nothing she or I could do to make me want to marry him. So as much as she wanted to make me marry him, she knew she couldn't. Because if someone doesn't want to marry someone, that is just not something you can talk someone into. Mom spoke up, "What am is supposed to do with all this," as she looked around at the beautiful flower arrangements and the wedding decorations, and bridesmaids dresses laid out on the couch, and friends and family all in town. What a mess. I just stood there humbly, and mom said, "alright," with that same Mom sigh. She turned and her and heather talked and dealt with the flowers. After I had told Mom, I knew the next worse part was inevitable and I headed into the bedroom to confront the almost- groom. The door was open, and I had walked in wondering if he had heard my conversation with my mom, so he was facing the opposite way; but when I walked in he turned and by the look on his face I knew he had heard. He was so sad looking and I felt terrible. There was nothing I could say to make him feel better. I just came up to him and hugged him. He hugged me back, but in the way you would hug a stranger. He was mad, mom was mad, its a terrible feeling. And the thing about dreams which is weird is sometimes they feel so real. You can remember that feeling when you wake up. So in a way, I already know what that feeling is like. It sucks.
Dreams.
I have had at least two other marriage dreams that i can remember. Who knows how many I have had, but just don't remember. And this has been only within the past like two or three years, since I have become eligible for marriage and it has been relevant to my life.
One of the dreams, I married a boy from my seminary class, who is so NOT my type-he is super shy, weird, big and tall and awkward and not athletic and stiff and not fun and rude and annoying (sorry thats just my highschool years impression). And so i was in an ugly wedding dress standing in a cramped, boring ward church room with the blue floor and beige tables set out and the typical saugus second ward and saugus third ward families talking and laughing and just enjoying themselves and clearly way happier than ME on my wedding day! Everyone was so happy for Mr. Groom and I, but like, he and I were about as in love with each other as a lamp and a piece of bread...we weren't holding hands or even talking. That's basically all I remember of that dream.

Another dream was I was getting married to Kevin Sheffield, which is a joke because he and brenna dated in High school then broke up then were best friends then were together, then he went on him mission and now she is married to someone else. So kevin is just a friend from high school and not a romantic figure in my life for sure. But i was in a wedding dress and he was in a tux and we were standing in a room about to be announced as newly weds at the reception in front of everybody, we had just come from the temple and I remember the DJ was introducing us, we were standing behind doors with Kevin's Dad and my Mom and a few other wedding party members. kevin and I were standing side by side. Mom and Kevin's Dad were laughing and having a jolly time about something. But I was thinking, what have I done? I don't want to be married to Kevin (but I love ya Kev, just not like that)! O no! Now we have already been sealed in the temple, Shoot, what is the process to get a divorce after you've been sealed in the temple? I turned to Mom, and said privately to her, "Mom, I don't want to be married to Kevin." She got so so mad and said, "Serena I can't believe this." But the doors were opening and Kevin and I were pushed along to the reception site, which was disgusting. It was in some recreational building and everyone was sitting on picnic tables that were covered with cheap plastic multi-colored table cloths, there were balloons, and that's basically it for decorations. I remember thinking it looked so ugly. But we walked on down the little isle as everyone clapped for us with big smiles. Everyone was so happy for us. I remember seeing Sister Harding's face so radiant. I remember seeing Brenna and Norris;s happy faces. I remember thinking, why is everyone happy for us? This is not a happy couple. And that's all i remember of that dream.
Dreams are funny. But I wonder what these dreams mean for me. Am I doomed for an unhappy marriage? Clearly, I have anxiety about that. But, I think the dreams are getting better. Because first I was married and didn't tell anyone I was unhappy or do anything about it. Then I was unhappy and realized I needed to divorce. Then, I canceled before getting married. That's progression right? Maybe soon I'll have a dream where I am married and WANT to be and its a good happy feeling. We shall see. Only night can tell...
Dreams.

5.27.10. 3 Nephi 15

v.9. "Behold, I am the law, and the light."